[Note: This fun light-hearted article is intended as humor and sarcastic satire. Or is it…? Whether truth or fiction, you decide.]
Nobody wants to get eaten by a zombie, nor by a posse of insane lunatics, or by voracious agents of chaos from beyond the grave. So if we can learn anything from recent covid-bizzaro world events then we’ll know to expect the unexpected. So then it’s always best to be prepared, right?
So then you’ll first have to decide on whether to renovate, move, or build a new home. Either way you’ll be needing our help for upgrades and modifications for thwarting the clumsy advances of growling knuckleheads.
Zombie Apocalypse House Design
Table of Contents
From the ideas in this brief article, and with our help, together we can modify or build you a sturdy custom zombie-resistant house, a zombie fortress of salvation if you will. Within the walls or your zombie apocalypse house design hopefully you’ll find that evading and surviving the roving undead is an easier undertaking. While we can neither confirm nor deny the reality of a near-future planet changing event, we can claim with confidence that we’re certain you will love your new zombie proof crib.
Creating Your Zombie Fortress of Solitude
So what goes in to creating your very own zombie fortress of solitude and comfort? The following is a list of major features for you to consider. While it’s not a deep expansive list it does hit the primary high points of concern. Create your own living space based on functionality infused with your own personal style.
Anti-Zombie Landscape Design
Prevention is always key component in Zombie Apocalypse House Design to avoiding any potential conflicts. So any great zombie apocalypse house design begins with proper fore-warning devices and land planning. Since you want to thwart zombies and other marauding raiders BEFORE they reach your home you have to consider the land around your home first.
Since the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution applies primarily to the living, then the undead have no right to assemble, especially on your property. Furthermore, the 1st amendment specifically says “peaceful assembly” and I’ve never known a gathering zombie horde to be peaceful. In spite of this fact it’s not surprising that most zombies have a total disregard for the law and they don’t care about your rights. So with fences, gates, moats, and other clever excavation and grading, you can create a veritable mine field of zombie stopping features and obstacles. Or you can create subtle refuge for you to hide behind, whatever the situation requires.
Like an obstacle course, zombies navigate through various terrain and physically challenging obstacles. You will need to use every bit of your strength and cunning to avoid the zombie siege; because as you know, the mentally departed are staggeringly fast in their soul-sucking approach to feasting on your patience and sanity. Or, in the case of executive zombies, intent on seizing and devouring all your favorite valuable items and assets.
Home Entry points
Keep lower level entry points to a minimum and upper level exit points to a maximum. In the event that zombies overrun your elaborate landscape defense system and reach a point of entry to your home, you want to make sure it’s not too easy to breach. A solid core door with no windows, along with large and robust deadbolt locks, is always a good choice. Also, no windows on or around the door either. Not even a peep hole; use a surveillance camera instead. You don’t want zombies looking inside your home and sensing movement of any kind.
Lower level and first floor windows should be made of bullet proof materials at best. Again, prevention is key. While some home defenders prefer bars over windows as protection against unauthorized entry, others don’t appreciate the jail-like aesthetic. Additionally, window bars are as difficult to exit from as they are to enter into. So keep that in mind while planning you zombie apocalypse house design. To each his/her own concerning bars. So either way, making the windows difficult to reach is also very important. Use snaggy types of thorny plants and big thick bushes in front of them. These look nice and are very functional too.
Home Exit Points
Upstairs exit points are important. You always want a fast escape route if things get dicey. Also consider ways to make your exits point’s strong defensible points as well, 2nd Amendment style. Have an easy way to get down that is not easy to get up. Such as descending ladders or things you can jump down onto. For the more robust among us, zip lines are a fun and stylish way to swash-buckle your way to safety.
Upstairs balconies and loft dormer windows offer great vantage points while remaining difficult to get into from outside, and they provide a wide view of what’s crawling towards your house. Flat roofs and upstairs balconies are also great places to keep a lookout, pick off brain hungry walkers, or just relax and chill when there’s a lull in the action.
Pro-Tip: For a less unsightly entry / exit way, consider painting high splash zone areas a vibrant mutant interior color such as red, maroon, or 2023 Color of the Year Viva Magenta.
Food storage is always important, whether during a zombie apocalypse or not. Upgrading your kitchen and pantry to the latest in functional use and a delightful culinary experience is easy to do. You’ll need ample space for food, water, and brain blasting zombie shells. Have to keep that powder dry!
Now that we’ve spoken about security and prevention against the vacuous empties, let’s talk about your comfort. Many contemporary homes with zombie apocalypse house design will feature endearing comfort as well as sortie level ultra-function.
In between blowing tops off chompers and reveling in your auspiciously high quality lifestyle, you’ll need a place to rest, relax, and recharge. So a great living room is in order. Or maybe a master bedroom / love den remodel. Adding built-in bookshelves and entertainment systems are both upscale and space efficient. Other possible fantastic amenities could include a game room, man cave, communications room, or a concrete fortified artillery enclave. Set your imagination free to soar!
So hopefully this short blog on Apocalypse House Design kicks your creative juices up a notch and gives you a glimmer of hope for a brighter future in a dim world of chaotic injustice. They say a man’s home is his castle. May your castle reflect your strength and nobility in these feudal times being a strongly fortified, permanently garrisoned stronghold of awesomeness, one worthy of stately residence, safety, protection, and family fun for you and your loved ones.
With over 25 years in home remodeling services you have the benefit of our long experience. So when you’re ready for a free chat and confab about your upgrades and zombie apocalypse home remodeling please hit us up. We’ve got your back!
Company: HK Construction, Inc.
Owner: Marc Gieselmann
Location: Poway, CA.
Service area: All of San Diego CA and surrounding cites and counties. See complete service areas list.
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